I’m doing important work.

Having seen me working from home, your desire to understand, explore and be included has led you to telling us that you want to “do work.” You’ve been excited to see the computer and keyboard, and you’ll even use a scientific calculator as a medium for “doing important work.” I applaud and am proud of your initiative, my dearest daughter. I know you have no deep understanding right now about working, and what is involved with having a job or a career. For now, this is another way of you engaging with me or playing on your own in a way that helps your mind grow.

In the future, we will have a more serious conversation about working, and potentially choosing a career. I hope that I remember what I write here during that discussion, because there are a few things I need you to know.

It’s in the f%#king bin, mum!

–TRIGGER WARNING: Bad Language–

Swearing happens. Let’s not kid ourselves, no matter how hard we might try to shield you from “naughty words”, you will hear them. From us, from friends and family, from strangers. There’s zero chance of you never hearing or using a swear-word; in fact, you’ve already managed a few! At the moment it’s been incredibly rare, and only because your repetition of one you’ve heard draws laughter. I expect that in due course you’ll begin to understand their context and you will want to at least experiment with their use in your own statements.

Butter wouldn’t melt …

How Do They Survive? (The Zombie Conundrum)

I think a lot; about both normal things and abnormal things (I’ll let you decide which sphere I spend the majority of my time in) and this one thing has been bothering me for quite a while. It’s a two-part philosophy that has been part of zombie fiction for as long as it’s been around:

If the only way to kill a zombie is to destroy its brain and zombies eat brains to “survive” – how does the zombie population grow exponentially?

Science: Actually Discovering New Things Or Just Stating The Obvious In New Ways?

I am a big supporter of Scientists. With their medical breakthroughs and their tireless efforts to find new sources of energy and improve our lives, I’ve always been proud of Scientists and wondered why they’re paid only a fraction of the salaries of sportspeople. New discoveries and hypotheses intrigue me; because I’m a guy who likes to learn stuff. I even chose Science for my practice run through university, where I learned that it is incredibly hard if you haven’t prepared throughout high school. Sometimes, however, I read articles that boggle my mind – but not because they’re super complicated and require Einsteinian intellect to comprehend.

It’s How Big?! You Must Be Trippin’!

If you’ve been keeping up with my friend The Good Greatsby (if you ask him, he’ll deny it – that’s just one of our in-jokes…) you’ll have seen that he recently revealed some startling truths about my fair country, Australia. One of these truths is that we have a collection of BIG THINGS that you can visit to make your trip to Australia even more memorable. Of course, if you are planning to visit Australia and want to make it the most memorable thing you’ll ever do, involve me. You will not regret it. (Well, I won’t regret it. I can make THAT promise.)

Guinness World Records – Enhancing Resumes Since 1955

Recently I’ve been hearing about a decrease in the job market. I’m not really worried about it myself, but given the upcoming change in my employment status I figured that I should do a bit of ground-work. You know what I found? I found that ground-work is boring. Then I remembered that lots of companies like people who think outside of boxes. Except probably the companies that make sensory deprivation tanks because after all, they’re boxes made for thinking and basically nothing else. I’m also pretty sure that the guys who make think tanks would be anti-thinking-outside-the-box as well, but I digress.

Anyway, I’ve been considering my options at a leisurely pace. Pondering whether it might pay to get a second degree or do some other kind of post-graduate study to help boost my chances of getting a job in a field that I enjoy. That got me thinking about degrees and certificates and other such academia and I began to worry that even with additional certification, I may still be too boring to hire. (On paper at least – I’m usually pretty exciting in person, I swear!) having pieces of paper didn’t seem like enough for me. I’d really like to walk into a potential employer’s office and be able to make an instant impression. Not only on an academic or aesthetic level but also on a level that portrays my passion for my chosen career path.

On The Twelfth Day Of Christmas

Forrest Gump’s mother obviously wasn’t paying attention when comparing life to a box of chocolates. Either that or she never gave or received a box of Roses chocolates. They come with a menu, which means that you can choose the bits you like and avoid the ones you don’t. Or you can share them with someone else – who may like the ones you don’t, which is even better.

Don't like peppermint? Give me the ones with the green wrapper. Easy.

On The Eleventh Day Of Christmas

Sometimes it’s impossible to be with your loved ones at Christmas time. Life is a complex creature and for many reasons, this holiday holds no significance to some people. If my last ten posts had you gagging on my disgustingly open-hearted love for the Season then this one might help you relax. If we find ourselves with some time off at the end of December and we have no other plans, I find that movies are a good way to pass the time if you don’t already have plans. Accordingly, whilst you may believe that Christmas movies are all sappy sentiments and lessons about forgiveness, sharing and caring – well, you’re only 80% correct.

On The Tenth Day Of Christmas

I’m the kind of guy that department stores love at this time of year. One of the many people who starts their Christmas shopping in late November and still doesn’t buy anything until mid-December. The months between January and November have somehow been filled with birthdays, engagements, work and so many other things that push Christmas shopping to the very back of my mind, so I’m a veryy last-minute kind of guy when it omes to Christmas shopping.

On The Ninth Day Of Christmas

When I was a kid, Christmas was mostly about the presents. It was even better that for many years I didn’t have to give anyone gifts – except for the “gifts” that we handcrafted during December at school (you know the ones; the lop-sided mug we made out of clay for example, painted in gaudy colours and one that would never be used as a drinking utensil because it’s very possible that the drinker will become sick so instead it’s used as a pen or pencil holder for a while.) The ones that came with handmade Christmas Cards that showed our parents that we were still learning to write and draw (and, in some cases, to use glue) but that we already knew how much we loved them. Yep, for many years, Christmas was a cakewalk for me.

Nowadays, things are a little different.