What Happens In The Bedroom…

If you’re reading this post in the hope that there’s some kind of Einstinian formula for success in the bedroom, here’s what I can give you:

1. Relax;
2. Communicate;
3. Have fun;
4. Have a safety word.

That’s all I have.

I’m not here today to talk about sex though. Last night I had an extremely interesting experience and it’s only one example of an apparent string of events in which I have been the central figure. I’m still trying to figure out whether the fact that I have had little to no knowledge of these events makes this story more or less hilarious. I’m going to go with more. Definitely more hilarious.

A Business Proposal For The Faint-Hearted.

This morning I had a dream that I was at an enormous AC/DC tribute band audition. Hundreds of AC/DC tribute bands had gathered at a massive showground/festival ground (imagine Woodstock, Big Day Out, Reading Festival, etc) and they were auditioning for the group members who were missing from their band.

Thinking back now, I wonder why my dream didn’t simply have these bands talk to each other and form complete bands with the members of other bands that were already there. Some bands were auditioning drummers and other bands already had drummers, so why didn’t the drummer from one band just go to another band and then the other band just had to either audition for whatever they needed AND a drummer, or they could disband and join other tribute bands.

Nachtreverie? Dozefancy? Sandmanfling?

There is no antonym for “Nightmare”. This fact vexes me greatly.

This morning I was talking to a friend of mine and she told me about her unpleasant night’s sleep due to a recurring nightmare she has been plagued with for most of her life. My heart sank to hear this and long after it settled heavily in my small intestine I was still thinking about how it seems that nightmares have a nasty habit of showing up again and again. Now I have a theory about why.

Double Shift Delirium

The abrupt shout of my name, accompanied by the solid slap of a hand on my desk snapped me concussively out of my slumber. I hadn’t even realised that I’d fallen asleep at my desk. With adrenalin still pumping through my veins I turned sharply towards the origin of the shock.

“What is it?!” I asked angrily, finding my bearings and turning to face the man who had woken me. My Boss.