Adventures & Insights

One man's adventures in the physical and intellectual worlds…

The A To Z (Approach To Zombocalypse)

I’ve never been a fan of horror; movies in particular. Having said that though, recent events (Harold Camping’s Rapture drill, for example) and discussions have made me question myself in relation to the naive way I live my life. As a result I have decided to take action to improve my awareness of and preparation for the Zombocalypse. I don’t want to be an alarmist here but in the same way we all have smoke detectors in our homes, so should we be prepared for this unlikely yet life-threatening event.

Naturally, I believe I am totally unprepared for the Zombocalpyse. Having watched precious few zombie movies and read almost no literature I find myself in a very precarious position. Luckily, there are others who have devoted a great deal of their energy and time to the subject and it seems that this topic is one which needs to be brought to your attention. Why? Because I care about you surviving the Zombocalypse too, that’s why. I don’t want to run into you in the street and have to shoot you in the face, dammit!

So, I’ve been fortunate enough to have seen the tremendously educational movie Zombieland, which started me on the road to survival by bringing to my attention the fact that there are RULES to surviving a zombie apocalypse. Which is handy because without them I figure I’d probably spend a lot of time just freaking out. I’m sure they’re just a guide, but they certainly make a lot of sense and if you’re looking for a place to begin gathering your wits, you could do a lot worse than checking them out here.

“Oh Christian, your imagination has run away with you again. That was just a movie, this is real life. Have a cup of warm milk and simmer down.” I hear you say. And yet, there are serious people who are taking this seriously. Who do I mean? Architects, that’s who. Not only has an actual zombie-proof house been designed and built, it also seems that the guys and girls at Architects Southwest last year sponsored the first annual Zombie Safe House Competition. If architects are taking this seriously, we all should be.

Armed now with the knowledge that there are rules and architects involved, I’ve started paying more attention. It seems I have to put together a survival kit, which makes sense. Only I don’t just have to put ONE kit together; I have to evaluate my environment and pack accordingly. Kind of like packing more than shorts and a singlet for a trip to the Himalayas. I also have to plan an escape route and destination, where I will meet other survivors (hopefully you guys!) and/or the military.

Finally, once I’ve found myself a group of people with whom to share this terrifying ordeal, I have to work out where I fit in the hierarchy. Everyone who has seen even a part of a zombie movie (or most horror movies for that matter) knows what I mean. Thankfully, I know I’m not the cruel militaristic dictator of the group, but unfortunately I also know I’m not the innocent/naive kid who gets to cruise through the whole thing just squealing whenever something moves.

I think the Zombocalypse would go something like this at my end of town:

If you’re still not convinced that you should start preparing yourself, here’s an article from the Cracked.com team that might help raise your paranoia level. Or we could just stop me from watching scary movies.

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4 responses to “The A To Z (Approach To Zombocalypse)

  1. The Good Greatsby June 21, 2011 at 2:43 am

    You’re wise to prepare yourself. I’m going to put my zombie kit right next to my crucifix and garlic.

  2. educlaytion June 21, 2011 at 12:37 am

    Yay for zombies! One of my fave things to talk about. Read World War Z by Max Brooks. Sooo amazing. He’s also the guy that wrote the zombie survival guide (as well as being the son of Mel Brooks).

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