The bird is dirty...
I don’t mean to dis you or hurt your feelings Twitter but I seriously need to tell you something.
Please stop sending naked women my way.
Even if I was single I’d feel uncomfortable about this and it’s reflecting poorly on your methods, Twitter. I know that others have raised their concerns about the suggestions you have made to them and until about two weeks ago I had no real objections to your perceptibly good intentions.
I’m sure your heart is in the right place and I’m aware of the heavy capitalist pressure you are receiving from companies peddling all sorts of tawdry wares. While I sympathise with your plight though, I must say that I am disappointed to see that you have given in to many of their demands.
I have no interest in following these women and quite frankly I find their presence discomforting. It hurts that you might not be reading my blog and know that I am (some would say sickeningly) happy in my relationship with GE.
I can survive knowing that you don’t really pay attention to my blog (although the thought that you don’t cuts me incredibly deeply) and might have missed the post advertising the fact that I am off the Market, but I KNOW FOR A FACT that you are in cahoots with Cupid and I would have thought I’d be off the mailing list now.
Am I wrong to be upset by this Twitter? Have I misinterpreted the situation? Are these naked and faceless women just fans of my blog and my sporadic and random Twits? Are they just innocent, friendly women looking for an interesting read? I’d like to think that they are, but I’m sure they’re not.
Are you upset that I don’t come to you more often? I do stop by almost daily, is that not enough for you? If you read my blog you’d know that I’m practically incapable of limiting myself to the 140 characters you allow. I know it’s all about keeping things brief but you know that’s not who I am. I’m practically incapable of monosyllabic responses and short messages.
Is it payback for that? I never thought you were vindictive, Twitter. I always thought petty vengeance was beneath you. Surely we can talk about this. There’s got to be something we can do to sort things out. I don’t want to end our friendship; it’s a good one.
I don’t want to change you, Twitter. I respect you and want us to make a go of this. All I’m saying is that I would really appreciate it if you could manage to intercept the naked ladies and divert their attention elsewhere. We can get through this. It’s just a minor hiccup.