Adventures & Insights

One man's adventures in the physical and intellectual worlds…

Stranger (and Manger) Danger!

As I was getting ready to visit my brother last night I received a random phone call from a telemarketer. that turned into one of the most surreal conversations that I have ever had in my life to date. What started as an innocent offer to test the purity of my drinking water became a mildly concerning experience receiving the unsolicited judgement of a complete stranger. It went a little like this:

*telephone rings*

Me: “Hello?”

Telemarketer: “Oh, hello, this is <identity removed for her own protection>. How are you this evening?”

Me: “I’m fine thanks, how are you?” (I’m a nice, friendly guy)

Telemarketer: “Oh, you must not be the householder.”

Me: “Actually, I am.”

Telemarketer: “Really? Most householders never ask me how I am. I’m fine thank you.”

Me: “Well that’s good to hear. What can I do for you?”

Telemarketer: “I’m calling to ask if you would like the purity of your drinking water tested. We have a water technician in your area and are offering a free test of your filtered water, complete with a report about the drinkability of your tap water. Will you be home tomorrow at around 6:00pm?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I won’t be home. I’ll be at the gym.”

Telemarketer: “Really? Ok, how about next week? We have technicians who can do the tests available between 9:00am and 6:00pm, we can fit you in any day.”

Me: “Actually, I’m not really interested, thank you anyway. Besides, I work during the day and I’ll be going to the gym after work, so I don’t expect to be home any time before 7:30.”

Telemarketer: “Oh, the gym? You must be single. No kids huh?”

Me: “Um, yeah, I’m currently single. But I don’t think it would make a difference if I was married with kids. I’m sure I could still manage to fit in an hour at the gym each day.”

Telemarketer: “Do you go to the gym to pick up girls?”

Me: “Actually no, I go to work out.”

Telemarketer: “Is it a men-only gym?”

Me: “Hmmm, I don’t know of a single men-only gym in existence. This one is co-ed.”

Telemarketer: “You go to pick up girls.”

Me: “Well thank you for calling, I’m still not interested in having my water tested. Have a good night ok?”

Telemarketer: “Thank you, I will. Have a good night.”

Commando Baby is invading your life!!

I don’t mean any disrespect to parents or telemarketers but having been engaged to a woman who had a son I KNOW I can still manage to get to the gym. Sure, the more children a family has, the greater the demand for looking after them. I’m still sure that a family could work something out. I know for sure that I will make sure that my wife has time to do things she wants to do on her own. 

I’d like to be a father one day. I wouldn’t like to be a telemarketer ever.


9 responses to “Stranger (and Manger) Danger!

  1. Pingback: We Meet Again… « Adventures and Insights

  2. Fred September 3, 2010 at 1:45 am

    LOL – I am surprsied she did not ask you WHICH gym!
    She might have sent the army down there… afterall gyms need ought to have “clean” water, right?

    • OpentoAdventure September 3, 2010 at 8:25 am

      Oh yeah, why DIDN’T she think to ask that?! It would’ve been a real achievement for her, maybe she could’ve won a sales award or something! She’d have been the envy of the office!

  3. Tasha September 2, 2010 at 3:44 pm

    We miss you too!! Well … I know I do! /bite! SEE!!! LOL

    Wil you cant say that!! Least not to his blog anyway!! /wink

  4. Meg September 1, 2010 at 6:12 pm


    Damn your dastardly plan to pick up sweaty women has been foiled. I suppose you’ll just have to go to the gym to get fit now. 😛

    • OpentoAdventure September 1, 2010 at 7:19 pm

      How shrewd that telemarketer is, pigeon-holing me so quickly and accurately!

      Now I am indeed going to have to spend my time getting fit and healthy instead of working my magic with the ladies.

      If only she knew how seriously shy I am when it comes to girls I actually like.

  5. Tasha September 1, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    Thank you Christian, yet again you have made me do a belly laugh (you know the one where everyone is the office looks at you like your a weirdo cos your meant to be quietly working?)!

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